Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
