All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
