something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You had me at "let me see your balls"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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