He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
