i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
