Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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