he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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