I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
