I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
