I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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