Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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