Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
God, I missed his penis.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
