i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
