Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
