wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You ruined the universe
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
