you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
