I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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