when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
