Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
