Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
