'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
