when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Your tits are I can't wait for
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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