I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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