After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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