I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
