I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
