It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
