the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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