you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
