got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
