You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
