you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize