Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize