Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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