I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how can u be prego again
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
