IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize