All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
