Ketchup is God's man juice
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
