it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
