Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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