I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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