I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
