who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
