So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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