I'm sorry my penis didn't work
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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