Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize