Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
