i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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