I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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