just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
