Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
