sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
