im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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