YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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