So drunk its hurt
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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