No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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