he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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