K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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