Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
