Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize