Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
