On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
