but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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