So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
