Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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