Umm I'm too high to move.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
bring money and cleavage
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize