I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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