This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
