So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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