I think im going to throw up on grandma
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
