it's like iHOP with fire
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize